Crying. Because I can’t be happy.
Crying. Because I can’t stand homophobia.
People have the most repulsive ideas about two women in love. They think is some kind of sickness or the result of bad experiences. Like is a bridge, a path, a very dirty, degenerated way of living, avoiding what once gave you that “bad” experience with men, or whatever unfortunate event happened to you in the past.
I hate myself for not being brave enough, proud enough, old enough, strong enough, cold enough to face people who criticize women that fall for other women, people that is indirectly or not referring to me as a poor result of low self steam, or mistaken preconceptions of men, or seductive and imaginative portraits of gay women on tv, films, books, or general media.
I’m in pain, because people don’t change, people keep being hateful at love.
I’m in pain, because I hide. I’m suffering for being in the smallest closet, and I die everyday a little more, for not being able to stand up and open my chest, my heart, my head and my mouth to say what I like, what I enjoy, what I love, who I love, who takes my breath away with just a look.
I’m sorry, for allowing people to say and believe women like me are a virus, a sickness, a petty, creatures in need of affection…
I’m sorry, and I will eternally trying to forgive me, for all of this suffering, for allowing this suffering.
It makes me nauseous the fact that there are people out there that get mad, angry, irrational and inhuman by just considering that some where, it might exist a girl who just realized she is in love of her best friend, a professional woman that falls for another women that just walked by her side on a crowed city…
I love you,
I really do.
I could say I’m angry, I could say I want to die. But I won’t, I’m too sad to kill myself, and too weak to think in running away.
Just change the world. Make it soon. People need to understand, to comprehend, I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m living without oxygen. I’m just gonna say, I care about each girl and woman that is in my same situation.
It’s not ease, when even people from the lgbtq community insists in how much you need to come out, in how fake you are. It’s not fucking easy, and it’s not fucking safe. We are going through enough pain, sadness and anger already, we don’t need you to tell us how fake my life is, I need you to give me a hug, and work with me in changing homophobes hate in tolerance, respect and kindness and love.
I’m in pain.
Society needs to change.